Real men don’t blog !

Real men dont blog…

WHAT????

With a big smile on my face I sit here and try to put some thoughts together on an issue of recent discussion, that is both amusing and fascinating to me.

What the hell is a “real man” anyway? Who or what is he now days…what was he in the 90s or the 80s or the 70s?

The Marlboro man is dead… so is John Wayne. The Armani model looks and walks like a zombie and Woody Allen (the sensitive, quirky, new age guy)…. well, we all know what happened to him.

So who or what is a real man? How does one qualify? What is the optimum profile for a REAL man? Is there a set of standards one has to meet? If there  are such  standards…..who set them? How has the profile of a real man changed over the past 30 years? Or 50 years for that matter?

Hmmm….how to confuse a platypus !

What is a real man supposed to do or be? There is no position description for a man….nor a woman for that matter. But everyone in the media (those often faceless ghosts that want us to believe they know what’s best for us) seems to have an opinion on what a “real man” looks and sounds like, how he behaves and what his values should be. The advertising industry makes a killing from shaping male behaviour (as they do with women – to be fair), the head mechanics have more than their fair share of males on their couches and the gurus publish an endless number of self-help books annually.

Assuming that every woman has an opinion on what a “real man” is…. does she ever tell him/them? Obviously ethnicity and cultural background play a big role on perception, but how does a man learn how to “be” a man? From whom? Is the father the primary role model, or is it a film star, or a rock star, a porn star or a cartoon ?

What does a real man sound like anyway?  Does he talk with a voice so deep it sounds like a fog horn…. or can you  sing falsetto  (without sucking on helium) and still qualify as a “man” ?

And what does a real man do to show that he is a real man? Does a real man open doors for women or does he walk in first? Does he use aftershave or is that too fem? What about deodorant? Can you be a real man and still drink cappuccino? Would a real man…. ever walk a poodle on a lead?  What about stand with his hands on his hips???

Is a real man supposed to go shopping with his wife/girlfriend or is he supposed to hate shopping with a woman? Can a real man enjoy cooking? Is a real man supposed to be interested in fashion (read: be concerned how he looks and/or  is dressed)?

While we’re at it…. when does one become a “real man”? Is it automatic when you turn 35 or do you need to ferment for a while longer in the oak barrel of “real life”? And just how do you know when you’ve become a real man…. does someone tap you on the shoulder and invite you to a secret initiation of sorts (secret men’s business) or do you just judge it for yourself based on the reaction from women ?

If we assume that “real men” don’t wear tiaras, does that mean that a real man has to have “death before dishonour” tattooed on his arm/chest/back?

Can a real man be a romantic? Or does he demonstrate his mixed-martial arts fighting skills every time he takes his woman for dinner or drinks?
While we’re on dinner and drinks…. is a real man supposed to prefer a card night with other “real men”, as opposed to a quiet, romantic dinner and drinks with his wife/girlfriend/female companion?

What does a “real man” do at a Sunday bbq? Does he mingle and chat with women or does he stand next to the guy  “in charge the grill”, along with all the other “real men”….. and drink beer/wine while telling stories about “the one that got away”?  Is the amount of beer/wine one drinks an indication of real manhood ???

Is a real man supposed to use shaving cream or just cold water and a Booey/Bowie knife? Does he walk around with his shirt open… looking like a caricature of Barry Gibb or will a plain white T-shirt suffice? Is a real man the caring type… or too tough to give a damn…about anything?

And let us not forget sex. What the hell is a “real man” supposed to do about that? Does he sprint or does he pace himself? Does he ever wait for her or does he just please himself. Does a “real man” even care?
Should he care?

Right now I’m starting to ask myself how the hell I got myself into this topic…but it’s too late to start another post. Me thinks this is a never ending story. Me thinks I’m heading up a “certain” creek without a paddle with this post. It’s a bottomless pit, a circular argument, an endless journey, an exercise in perpetual futility.

The real question is do you know of a “real man”…. and does the bastard blog???

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10 responses to “Real men don’t blog !

  1. Dear Mr M…that was so hilarious
    was the statement made by a man by the way?

    about “real men”…you have no idea how many there are here…well yes, Andalucia is still macho land where a real man likes bullfights, horses, stays up late in bars and is grumpy when his football team loses.
    Sorry for the cheap caricature!
    i’m just so glad my boyfriend is not this type of “real man”!

  2. Yeah.. you dug a hole with this one M…haha…i think the term real man is horrific…because there is no way to define it for everybody to their liking…you see, because my ideal… real man is a good husband… a good father to his children…that’s it. handle your responsibilities. enough said… if you are not a husband or a father…just be a nice guy… treat others how you want to be treated…funny topic for the day.. would love to know how this came up…i guess you are reading greek mythology?

  3. Yes, I know one. And yes, you blog, you bastard. Ha ha! This post had me in hysterics!
    Keep fermenting,
    Catherine

  4. The “real man” line is used too often by too many people (male & female), in too many places. Its what I call a “floating term”… meaning different things to different people, at different times. I’ve heard it too often lately and decided to question it.
    My standard line on the topic is “he who tells you he is… usually has his doubts” ;-)

  5. Haha…love it! love it!
    thanks for my chuckle of the day…Bravo
    gypsy

  6. John-the boy from katerini

    Hi Michael,

    As for your topic of the day, what brought that on? Was it divine inspiration, denial or just sheer boredom?…whatever the catalyst it was definitely a fun (and dare I say a thought provoking) read.

    This is a first for me, commenting on a blog that is….but better late than ever!! :-). I guess this now qualifies me as a “real man”…right?

    Was good to meet you (briefly) and your wife at your cosy little caldera side store. Your family’s story is truly amazing and will only serve to haunt and torture me as we eventually head back to suburban life in good old Melbourne.

    Bye for now and keep on blogging and please, please take good care of paradise!

    tsa014@gmail.com

  7. My definition of a real man is one who is strong when he needs to be, weak when he has to be, can cry and laugh too. Is sensitive and has love for his wife and child, yet can be “one of the guys” around his friends. A real man is honest and hard-working. And yes, I blog! :)

  8. Amaia Guijarro

    Dear wordsmith,
    There are no real men, they do not exist. There are real persons, and, in my opinion real persons are the caring type. Yes they can blog or not, this is not an essential question, neither an essential activity, although we are grateful to your blogging. xx Amaia

  9. A “real man” is a man with heart…helpful and kind … the kind of guy who will step up to the plate in emergencies…he is loving , passionate and compassionate…he is resilient…he loves animals, children and respects the rights of others …he is a good role model…he takes things apart and puts them back together again…and can handle adversities with a proactive attitude…not afraid to give a compliment and mean it…whether he is into cooking, sports, hunting , fishing, the internet, film…he makes an effort to be all that he can be…and give back to this world that we so temporarily inhabit…he has dignity in life as well as in impending death, or disaster…you can count on a real man to do, or say the right thing at the right time…he comes through for you and has your heart.

  10. Great post Michael…What is a ‘real man’? Why a ‘real man’ is any man in my book, he can be who he wants to be and do what what he wants, how he wants….as long as he blogs of course! xv

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