Real men dont blog…
With a big smile on my face I sit here and try to put some thoughts together on an issue of recent discussion, that is both amusing and fascinating to me.
What the hell is a “real man” anyway? Who or what is he now days…what was he in the 90s or the 80s or the 70s?
The Marlboro man is dead… so is John Wayne. The Armani model looks and walks like a zombie and Woody Allen (the sensitive, quirky, new age guy)…. well, we all know what happened to him.
So who or what is a real man? How does one qualify? What is the optimum profile for a REAL man? Is there a set of standards one has to meet? If there are such standards…..who set them? How has the profile of a real man changed over the past 30 years? Or 50 years for that matter?
Hmmm….how to confuse a platypus !
What is a real man supposed to do or be? There is no position description for a man….nor a woman for that matter. But everyone in the media (those often faceless ghosts that want us to believe they know what’s best for us) seems to have an opinion on what a “real man” looks and sounds like, how he behaves and what his values should be. The advertising industry makes a killing from shaping male behaviour (as they do with women – to be fair), the head mechanics have more than their fair share of males on their couches and the gurus publish an endless number of self-help books annually.
Assuming that every woman has an opinion on what a “real man” is…. does she ever tell him/them? Obviously ethnicity and cultural background play a big role on perception, but how does a man learn how to “be” a man? From whom? Is the father the primary role model, or is it a film star, or a rock star, a porn star or a cartoon ?
What does a real man sound like anyway? Does he talk with a voice so deep it sounds like a fog horn…. or can you sing falsetto (without sucking on helium) and still qualify as a “man” ?
And what does a real man do to show that he is a real man? Does a real man open doors for women or does he walk in first? Does he use aftershave or is that too fem? What about deodorant? Can you be a real man and still drink cappuccino? Would a real man…. ever walk a poodle on a lead? What about stand with his hands on his hips???
Is a real man supposed to go shopping with his wife/girlfriend or is he supposed to hate shopping with a woman? Can a real man enjoy cooking? Is a real man supposed to be interested in fashion (read: be concerned how he looks and/or is dressed)?
While we’re at it…. when does one become a “real man”? Is it automatic when you turn 35 or do you need to ferment for a while longer in the oak barrel of “real life”? And just how do you know when you’ve become a real man…. does someone tap you on the shoulder and invite you to a secret initiation of sorts (secret men’s business) or do you just judge it for yourself based on the reaction from women ?
If we assume that “real men” don’t wear tiaras, does that mean that a real man has to have “death before dishonour” tattooed on his arm/chest/back?
Can a real man be a romantic? Or does he demonstrate his mixed-martial arts fighting skills every time he takes his woman for dinner or drinks?
While we’re on dinner and drinks…. is a real man supposed to prefer a card night with other “real men”, as opposed to a quiet, romantic dinner and drinks with his wife/girlfriend/female companion?
What does a “real man” do at a Sunday bbq? Does he mingle and chat with women or does he stand next to the guy “in charge the grill”, along with all the other “real men”….. and drink beer/wine while telling stories about “the one that got away”? Is the amount of beer/wine one drinks an indication of real manhood ???
Is a real man supposed to use shaving cream or just cold water and a Booey/Bowie knife? Does he walk around with his shirt open… looking like a caricature of Barry Gibb or will a plain white T-shirt suffice? Is a real man the caring type… or too tough to give a damn…about anything?
And let us not forget sex. What the hell is a “real man” supposed to do about that? Does he sprint or does he pace himself? Does he ever wait for her or does he just please himself. Does a “real man” even care?
Should he care?
Right now I’m starting to ask myself how the hell I got myself into this topic…but it’s too late to start another post. Me thinks this is a never ending story. Me thinks I’m heading up a “certain” creek without a paddle with this post. It’s a bottomless pit, a circular argument, an endless journey, an exercise in perpetual futility.
The real question is do you know of a “real man”…. and does the bastard blog???